Cover Me With Frosting 'Cause I Never or

"Have you ever or I never" have you played that game? So it's a drinking game and someone shares an experience they've had, and you either confirm with an "I never" or if you have you take a drink.  The person asking gets to pick either to say something especially dirty/sexy or take a drink. As a pretty vanilla girl I usually opt for drinking on my turn. Though maybe I'm not as vanilla as think 'cause I usually end up drunk. I really wasn't to play the silly drinking games, bring back spin the bottle give me seven minutes in heaven with giggling exploration. Let us not be content with people looking over the parts of our body that aren't their prefect size or shape. In some ways drinking can make things more fun less weird. But that's only temporary. I miss the fumbling and when they almost think they are in love with me the second they touch me or see nipple. There was more reverence. These games were our courage. So wait do I want drinking games or not. Do I want sober fumbling? Realistically in the back set of a car we're all transported to childhood. But I want both. I don't want to have my cake and eat it to. What I really want is someone to lick all of the frosting off of me on a dare.

Maybe I Should Lie To Strangers or Pretending To Have Herpes To Protect My Precious Abstinence

I like dating. I want to date. To drink and have some flirty fun, but sex. No. It's become a vegetable. Green, dirty, and probably good for me. I don't want it. I don't need it like I used to. Men don't get though. Not the ones I meet anyway. They're all hands and hard ons. What do I tell them, how do I get them to understand. Sometimes the truth isn't good enough or strong enough so what do you add, how do you hold it up, make it stronger. Can a lie be more honest than the truth. Shit. I'm just gonna tell them that I have an incurable STD. Sorry hot stuff, I have to tell you something....and I know I'm on the verge of a break out. Maybe that will work. Now to cure their desire for those silly blow jobs. Too much work. Look it's even call work....

It's Kinda Sweet That You Thought I'd Remember or Why Not You Weren't Bad Enough To Remember

Hey remember me? No, no I don't and actually I don't even care if I should. What's that? Oh, you're gonna tell me anyway. We had sex? Great would you like to join the club, support group, or a currently have a stalker position available, I'm taking applications.... Oh, you want me to remember. This is just as interesting as watching a dog lick itself. Doesn't do anything for me. Wow that's nice, I should start numbering you people or putting tacks in a map. You're on OkCupid too big surprise. The beer you've bought me isn't empty yet so I'm still listening. Yeah that's right, now you're buying me a shot. Throw in a burrito and I'll write your name on my hand so I can use your name when I leave in the morning.

Banana Fuck Bullshit or You Want To Take What Home?

When it comes to fantasies, don't ask strangers because they will tell you, add beer and they become hopeful. I'm not saying my necrophilia fantasies don't make people uncomfortable but fuck I don't tell anyone with a spare minute and condoms in his glove box.
My favorite though and by far the most commonly requested act involves things they can take with them after. Ask a man how long fingers and screwdrivers smell like pussy?

Sex For Drugs or Where I Draw The Line

I don't even like drugs, so yeah having sex for them seems a little wasteful. Besides I'm sure there's plenty of girls out there with very interesting drug addictions, and like tea or vegetables let those people have their fun with their...things.
But, a slice pizza and a half dozen tall cans and I wanna meet your mom so you'll have to marry me. Sex on the first date it depends on how exposed the parking lot is during happy hour. I don't want anyone's mom catching me.

The Reasons For Rules or I Put On Make-up For This?

Do I have sex on the first date, kiss. Car, job, kids...gotta draw some lines, make some gray area, rules are fun to break so why not make my own?
I actually a few that I don't regularly disregard...what are they, it seems I've forgotten. Demand entertainment, demand alcohol, keep the financial burden on him. I mean there are no real deal breakers except no recovering alcoholics or heavy drug users and ugly, uninteresting, short people. I said people, haven't had an OkC girl date but as long as they fit into the parameters, I would. And I'm not so superficial that the ugly, tiny man can't get something provided he knows he's got some short comings to compensate for. Like the ugly and or fat chicks must give good head rule, men dating girls out of their league, they must make up for that shit. Sorry I'm not an indescriminating sex favor gumball machine. Maybe I'm like that claw machine that everyone has a strategy for, but no one really wins at.
But my favorite way that they circumvent the rules is spontaneity. Don't give me time to think and I'll say yes to anything. Yes to anything if you catch me with make up on. No make up no deal. If I happen you have some strange reason to get out of bed I will be sitting waiting for something, anything to do to make the layers of black shadow worth it. It takes a special (rich, tall, tattooed) stud to get me to break out my make up after six o'clock. But hey that's just me.

Me and Cinderella

F Me and Cinderella

Ugly girls should give good blow jobs, cultivate a personality and be kind. Pretty girls rule the world, and by the world I mean men, and by men I mean boys that have learned how to use their penises and worship women. But me and Cinderella, we don't think that pretty is enough, sure it and a practiced pout can get you (or maybe just us) just about anything, granted there is a perceived sexual availability. I mean like, really, anything. But fuck the even playing field where ugly girls stand a chance because of a Hoover like ingratiation, I'm uprooting that shit. I am capable of kindness, etc, etc (yeah see above, fat bitches). I mean I decided that pretty came with the same responsibilities to mankind and by mankind I mean every fuckin' body. Kindness and appreciation from a pretty girl is pretty much gold, so...

The photographer and the frozen pizza

So there I was, still bored and broke thinking to myself this is what it feels like to die of boredom. I demand entertainment! If I demand that my friends entertain me they will fail or refuse to, not trained monkeys or some bullshit excuse. What's a poor bored girl to do? Ah ha, check my OkC message box. Ooo someone wants to be my sexy man, no seriously he said sexy man, about himself, in for real. The rest of my messages offer nothing more than "hi" and one guy telling me he wants to live in a world where chickens don't have their motives questioned everyone they cross the street. I thought it was funny but not funny enough to make up for his unattractiveness. Moving right along I go to the activities board. I'm looking up movies first because that will be part of my dating demands. Hmmm wait, semi attractive guy saying come hang out with me while I play around with my photography toys. And I say to myself, I say self, we're not doing anything and we have our nifty bus pass and my self says back, okay where does he live. So I send the guy a message. He gives me his address but says he will meet me at the convenience store next to the bus stop (I guess he needs more beer or cigarettes). Now normally I would be very clear about who is paying for beer but this time I really wasn't, damn. I'll figure it out. So a nice little bus ride and a cigarette later I am met by a decent looking guy. We introduce ourselves and he says something like okay let's get some beer. I panic a little. I always panic. I don't have any money, what will he think of me, no job, no real home, no money, just a online dating account and a short skirt. Fuck this is why I make sure that they know they have to buy the beer, pizza, etc. (no wait I'll write out the whole word, it will give me more time to think, etcetera). I hate bring broke more than I hate being bored and I hate being bored, a lot. It makes me remember I could be considered a failure at life. So I'm still panicking and I pull out a cigarette to relieve some stress, fuuuck. Haha, and I say I'll be out here smoking. He goes in alone, my empty wallet is still hermetically sealed, and all is right in the world. He buys a lot of beer and we walk the couple blocks to his house. He talks about his photography hobby and that he'd like to fool around with his new equipment which he describes and I still don't care, I mean understand. I realize he was planning on using me as a subject. I guess guys don't like taking pictures of other guys. Whatevrt, I'm not a total wreck in front of the camera, after a few beers, or eight.

Wow, is that an 18 pack of tall boys?! I didn't know these existed. So, playing coy I only grab one and file him outside. It's a nice day, did I say that yet, well it is, okay, established. He tells me the cold slice of frozen pizza on the counter is for me if I want it. No, I think, I want beer. K thanks. And we drink, and drink, and I eat the pizza, then drink, then some benzos and a warning, I roll my eyes and drink some more. In short I drink a lot as much as both of the boys together, (his roommate joined us at some point). I probably drink too much to be a truly cheap date. The rest is just pieces, I wake up to a tight embrace, as in he held me all night, what a sweet if scrawny man. And I'm not just calling him a man now because we had sex, I don't remember, but I do remember where he keeps his condoms, before and after use. I stare at the ceiling, as I tend to do. I get antsy, I put on my clothes and say goodbye, and nice time, and thanks for the beer, and leave my headphones behind-damn it. Oh well, I'll steal another pair or have someone buy me a new pair (thanks Caleb). I go home and shower in preparation of my next date, beer and a short skater boy in orange. Who wears orange?

Hobby Dating or how I get free pizza.

What is hobby dating? Recently I joined a dating site, maybe you're familiar with OkCupid maybe not. I really doesn't matter. So I joined a dating site. I was broke and bored. I needed a hobby, something that didn't cost money, something fun, something that came with perks...dating. Okay, so I've been told I'm pretty, I've been told I'm funny, I've been told I'm a cheap date. And I'm not above prostitution, I just wasn't ready to make the commitment required of the oldest profession, but my stance on dating these days is pretty much me charging for my company. Instead of charging men money they could buy my time and charming wit for one or any combination of the three p's : pizza, pinball, and/or Pabst. I did say I was a cheap date, right? I've given myself rules, no, um, guidelines, well sort of. Demand. That's a thing I do. It's I'm my best interest to make sure the cash flow is coming my way. After all, I really am broke. So I can't afford any of the 3 p's on my own. That's where clear demands come in handy. Instead of saying wanna get a drink, or sure I'll meet you somewhere. I say you wanna take me out for a beer or some pizza, or okay, pick me up so I can let you buy me a drink. I don't want to get caught trying to weasel out of a tab or spending my tampon money to drink with some guy. So that's my starting point. I'm now locked in the playful embrace of hobby dating.